For quite some time, I have felt like my life was on hiatus.

First in Israel, where I couldn’t live the life I had expected or become accusomtomed to and I was becoming less and less SUSANNA every day that passed.

Then, when I moved back to the United States, but was jobless, existing on money my parents gave me, ashamed that I couldn’t support myself at age 30 and sleeping on an air mattress.

Later, when I got a job, and started to get back on my feet, not having to worry so much about money or food, but still sleeping on an air mattress.

Now, approaching the time when I’m going to move into my own apartment, and see my furniture and my possessions which have been in storage for the past three years.

It feels like I’ve waited a very long time for this to happen, but the wait has made the approach very sweet. I am so excited to begin living the life I have been dreaming of. It’s not like I’ve just been waiting around, either. I have been working, steadily and with intention towards this life.

When people ask me where it is I’m headed, or what it is that I want, I tend to struggle for an answer. I’m considering not answering it at all. I know the old adage: If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll never get there.

But, I wrote something in a text yesterday that just came out, and I thought: Yes. This is a mantra.

So I’m working to not overthink everything I do, to go with the flow without having to understanding each wave that sometimes goes over my head, to let myself live without questioning if it’s right.


3 thoughts on “Life….Returns

  1. I am TOTALLY in the same boat. I need to let loose and not feel like I have to have everything under my control. I spent so long in a marriage where I felt out of control…but now I sometimes struggle to find the perfect balance of owning it and it not owning me.

  2. So very true, many of us fight so hard to control the current of this ‘river’ called life that, so often we turn ourselves around and start paddling upstream… I’m learning that if I just relax, let go of my oars and envision my raft turning with the current; life runs a bit more smoothly.

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