I Don’t Care

It never occurred to me that when I decided to go into stand-up comedy there would be people who didn’t support me. I don’t mean random people on the street, I’m talking about people who were in my wedding, people who have known me more than half my life, people I thought would be there for me no matter what. I assumed my mom and dad wouldn’t be thrilled, but I’ve got those wonderful kind of parents that see me for who I am and support me in all the things I try to achieve.

What business is it of yours if this is what I choose to do? I’m not molesting children or harvesting organs. I’m not selling drugs or doing back alley abortions. I’m standing on a stage and telling jokes. What do you care? If you could pull that judgmental stick out of your ass, you’d probably laugh at a few of them.

So, after some serious thought and a bit of soul-searching, I have come to this conclusion: I just don’t give a shit.

I spent 30 years really caring what other people thought. The more I say the following, the more I recognize that it is true: The way people react to you is a reflection of who THEY are, not of who YOU are. If people are bothered by my career choice, I have to assume it’s because it awakens something inside of them that angers or frustrates them, perhaps their inability or fear to branch out and do the thing or things which really scare them, to follow their dreams.

My roommate is reading a book and shared this with me: When you start to follow your dreams, the masses get angry. They will tell you that you are crazy, you won’t make it, it’s too hard, it will never work, etc. The special few will encourage you.

Those are the ones who really love you, who are happy that you are doing something many people fear, will stand by your side, listen to your woes of failure, because there will be failure before success, and will cheer you on even when you feel like giving up.

I feel like giving up most of the time. Starting over isn’t impossible and it is a damn fine alternative to being miserable. But it is not easy. I simply cannot stress that enough. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. There is nothing that is routine for me, nothing that is familiar. That is ok, but it’s not easy.

If I don’t make it, that’s ok. I’ll find something I’m happy doing.

But, when I make it, because I believe with my whole heart that I will be successful in entertainment whether as a writer, an actor or a comic, I will smile an inward smile, and it will be smug, because I knew the whole time I could do it.

I don’t care if YOU think I can’t. It doesn’t make me work harder; you have very little influence over me.

I don’t care if YOU disapprove. It’s not your life.

I don’t care if YOU won’t support me. There are other more important people who do.

I just DON’T CARE. So climb down from your little tower and take a look around. Maybe do a little inner reflection on why my career choice bothers you and figure out what’s inside of you that makes you feel this way….that is, if you can take one moment to be honest with yourself because I’m fairly certain my grammar jokes aren’t cause for concern.



11 thoughts on “I Don’t Care

  1. You go, girl! The fact that you have it in you to try to make people laugh at this point in time is amazing. And the fact that you have the guts to stand on a stage and risk rejection is so impressive. These are just some of the reasons I admire you, make me proud of you, make me so glad I know you. My little Tess needs women in her life who can model these qualities for her. As far as those who aren’t with you on your journey, whatever it looks like — screw ’em. It’s their loss, not yours.

    • Thank you 🙂 I will try to be a good role model for Tess. It’s hard to say, “Screw ’em”, but that’s where I’m at. I hate giving up on people, but I can’t expend any more energy on negativity.

  2. Courage is something that we often have a difficult time with. When we shake up the pot, people are frightened. It’s natural — we are frightened by the things that we can’t understand. I got a lot of it after my divorce, as how dare I question the universe and the intention that I was always meant to be with my significant other. I am in awe of your bravery and your strength, and proud of everything you accomplish. So keep fighting the good fight, girl! I’ll be there right by you. 🙂

    • It doesn’t feel courageous when it’s literally the only thing you can fathom doing…but I appreciate the attribution of courage to what I’m doing. 🙂

      • i dont care what anyone else thinks or does, you are an amazing beautiful young woman that i admire and love and will support you always no matter what you choose to do in your life!!!!!! joyce

  3. One of my friends started stand-up in 2002. He had many failures (by his own standards, although I can understand why he construed the booing that way), but now he has won many awards and is very much a wanted face on the scene and appreciated. You know this is not an easy passport to fame and fortune, but it will pay off when you stick at it and you wouldn’t do it if you didn’t think you could. Be strong and happy and follow your dreams…best of luck!

  4. That was awesome! Nice Job! And the book your friend is reading is right and it reminds me of a small (but very humorous and poignant book): “The Dream Giver”. It’s about Ordinary, who dares to leave the Land of Familiar to pursue his Big Dream, and low and behold, nobody likes that he’s doing it. You will find out who your true friends (and family) are during death, divorce, and when you decide to pursue your dreams. Go all out. You only get one life, and that life is yours. Hallelujah for the individuality, the courage, and the gifts you have and want to share!!!

    • Yes! And I find it frustrating that others think it’s their business or prerogative to comment. It’s my life and it’s the only one I get. If you think I’m messing it up, don’t be my friend. But, I don’t want friends like that anyway. The name of the book is “The Artist’s Way” in case you’re interested. The Dream Giver sounds good.

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