Gratitude

I am not sure what I thought would come from posting a statement on why I was leaving my husband.

I did not expect the outpouring of support. I didn’t realize how many people I knew and cared about had gone through the same thing I am going through.

I feel blessed by this and even through this trudge through the mud, I feel lifted. I can feel the hands of my friends wrapping around my waist, whispering in my ear that I’m not alone.

For the first time in a long time, I feel good. Maybe I’m not supposed to, but I do. I feel better. There are still moments, don’t misunderstand me, where my gut is wrenched and I have to try to focus on something else to subtly ignore the pain I’m feeling. It may only fade with time, but I am working hard to focus on getting back to being me.

We are both lucky in that we hadn’t invested so much that we couldn’t step back and say we made a mistake. For that I am grateful. I am also so grateful for all of my friends who ignored my directive to not talk to me and called, texted, emailed or posted a message of concern, wisdom, encouragement or just love. I don’t have the words to express my gratitude, but this is my humble effort.

Thank you.

Spending time focusing on what's beautiful.

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7 thoughts on “Gratitude

  1. I’m glad you feel good. I don’t approve of this “maybe I’m not supposed to” stuff. I wish you could be easier on yourself. You have not done anything wrong. What has happened here is all a part of learning and growing. You made the best decision you could with the tools, skills and self-knowledge that you had at the time, and chose him and marriage. As you grew and changed and your self-knowledge increased you realized it was the wrong choice. To remain would have been unfair to both of you, so you made the incredibly difficult choice to move forward, to give both of you a chance at happiness instead of settling. I am so proud of you.

  2. It does help to write things out. I think I wrote about everything from burnt bread to endless tears when I separated from my husband. Eventually, you are able to write out exactly how you feel and come to terms with things. ❤

  3. My heart goes out to you. My daughter is going through the same thing right now and she finds it very hard to not have guilt feelings, search your heart and memory for what you did wrong, etc. I think all of that is important and normal. I wish you well.

  4. I don’t know you and have started following your blog, but read about “Why I’m Leaving My Husband” – I had posted this yesterday and thought I’d share.
    “People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.” ~Jim Morrison
    Good luck on your journey and lots of hope of happiness for you.

      • Yes he was! Thanks for sharing your story. I know so many in your position and they don’t listen to the signals and live daily miserably. Or they just settle and continue to settle everyday. They miss out on their life. Stay strong and keep moving forward. Take care!

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