I’m waiting to board the flight back to Israel and I have a mixture of emotions: excitement, trepidation, worry, anxiety, happiness, sadness. I wish I was the type of person who could truly focus on the positive things in life and spend each moment happy and content with what I have. But I was blessed(?) with the kind of mind that anticipates the future’s worst so I am prepared for it.
Living abroad depressed me and it took two months of living in America to restore me to who I am. I don’t want to be the person I was in Israel. She was angry, depressed, boring. That country just sucked all that was good out of me and I’m really afraid it will go the same again even though I’m only visiting for a short time.
I worry what will happen in six weeks. I don’t want to take steps back. I’m worried about my marriage: we need to anticipate being apart for a long time. I keep hearing that the first year is the hardest. It was hard before we were married and now we aren’t even living in the same country. What effect will that have on us?
Once again, I feel directionless and I’m afraid.
On the other hand, I AM excited to see my husband. He is a wonderful man and we really love each other. I just wish he was coming here instead of me going there. I’m also excited to see my pets, my in laws, my friends, the Mediterranean Sea. I’m excited to start my life with my husband and I feel like we have been on hold for a long time.
I know I am very blessed and I need to continuously remind myself do I don’t get lost in a sea of anxiety and worry. I hope you can do the same.
Are You Meant for Something Better? 
I loved Israel when I went there for a 1 week tour. I loved the food. Of course the people are different but its a different culture. As Americans we get too comfortable in our skin. I remember the first thing I saw with big eyes when we landed at JFK was Burger King, I was so excited to eat “American” food!!! I am going to return to Israel someday. I don’t care if I’m 95 years old I just love the country, the people and knowing that Jesus walked, breathed, lived, talked, performed miracles. That in itself would be my foundation to live in a country other than my own. I wish you the best time. Do your American woman thing while your there, they too I imagine are intrigued by a different culture! Praying for your peace, comfort and happiness.
Susanna,
I think once you find a solution it is easier to solve that same problem. Remember, I said easier, not easy. I wish you all the best and enjoy your time together. I can’t wait to see you again!
Moni
I remember distinctly my plane ride from Australia to Israel when I was on my way to move here. Filled with so much uncertainty, but so much hope. You’re doing to find it weird being back here, but it’s only for a short time, and you are so much wiser now! It’s going to be great to see you!