I’m waiting to board the flight back to Israel and I have a mixture of emotions: excitement, trepidation, worry, anxiety, happiness, sadness. I wish I was the type of person who could truly focus on the positive things in life and spend each moment happy and content with what I have. But I was blessed(?) with the kind of mind that anticipates the future’s worst so I am prepared for it.
Living abroad depressed me and it took two months of living in America to restore me to who I am. I don’t want to be the person I was in Israel. She was angry, depressed, boring. That country just sucked all that was good out of me and I’m really afraid it will go the same again even though I’m only visiting for a short time.
I worry what will happen in six weeks. I don’t want to take steps back. I’m worried about my marriage: we need to anticipate being apart for a long time. I keep hearing that the first year is the hardest. It was hard before we were married and now we aren’t even living in the same country. What effect will that have on us?
Once again, I feel directionless and I’m afraid.
On the other hand, I AM excited to see my husband. He is a wonderful man and we really love each other. I just wish he was coming here instead of me going there. I’m also excited to see my pets, my in laws, my friends, the Mediterranean Sea. I’m excited to start my life with my husband and I feel like we have been on hold for a long time.
I know I am very blessed and I need to continuously remind myself do I don’t get lost in a sea of anxiety and worry. I hope you can do the same.